【失禁play】我的姥姥教会了我怎样Lean In

由格雷斯智囊团女性成长学院传达

我的外婆和别人的外婆不一样。

她从来没有追着我喂我零食，也从没有在厨房里为我做我最喜欢的菜。想想看，我都不记得有看过她在厨房的时候。

但是这并不代表她没有以她的方式爱我，让我给你讲述一个普通小女孩和她伟大的姥姥的故事。

我姥姥毕业于同济医科大学，是我国著名的神经内科专家。她是国务院特殊经贴享受者，曾获得全国第十三大党代表和全国五一劳动奖等称号。

1982年，她放弃了在一家国有大医院的铁饭碗，自己出来创业。原因是我姥姥发明了一种治疗脑血管病的特效药，病人的需求量很大，但医院给的床位很有限，因此，她想有个自己的医院。

于是她着手创立了两家脑血管病医院，以及其他医药和医疗相关的组织机构。算来，她是中国改革开放之后第一批创业者中的一员。

我是在加拿大和我的父母一起长大的，但是绝大多数的暑假都是在姥姥家度过的。姥姥一周工作六天，无论雨雪或者节假。她把医生的工作视为最重要的，奉献了她的一生去帮助他人，挽救生命。

同时，她也是一位出生于1930年代封闭社会，却与礼教阻碍和束缚抗争的女企业家。她一向用医生和企业家的身份来要求自己，其次才会考虑自己是一位母亲和祖母。但这并不代表她不爱我，她是以她独有的方式爱着我。我并没有经常看望她，但是我和她在一起的每一个瞬间都留在我的脑海中。

我在姥姥家吃饭的时候，她总是吩咐让阿姨给我做我想吃的任何菜，给我买我想要的任何零食。但是她并不娇宠我，她会确认我把碗里的每一粒米都吃掉并啃干净每一只可乐鸡翅骨头上的肉。她总是说粒粒皆辛苦，教导我不浪费的重要性。

她曾跟我讲关于农民伯伯的故事，说住在很远很远有一个农民伯伯一直非常辛苦的劳作去收获这些稻谷以抚养他家人所以我必须对于农民伯伯的行为表示尊重。

我小的时候汽车还不普及。有一回我要去上网球课，姥姥让她的司机开车送我到离网球场还有几百米的地方下车，这样，那些跟我一起打球的孩子们就不会看到我有私家车来送。那时候，我并不是很理解我姥姥为什么这么做。但是现在，我了解到她不想让我感觉高人一等，她教会了我谦虚做人。

青少年时期，我搬回到加拿大，和我的父母在一起生活。姥姥来拜访的时候是我和弟弟是最兴奋的时刻，因为她总带着礼物和红包来。但是我妈妈会把礼物和钱都收起来，因为她觉得姥姥这样会宠坏我们。

我的父母过着简单的中产阶级的生活，主要依靠他们的月工资，所以姥姥就想换一个方法“宠”我。在我12岁生日时她给我买了一件大礼物，那便是我的钢琴，到现在还放在我父母家里的客厅里。姥姥告诉我她小的时候没有钢琴，现在她60多了，她开始自学读谱和弹奏。她告诉我去掌握一门新的技艺需要勤奋和用心，外表的光鲜和奖励都一定伴随着坚持，毅力和汗水。

我去看望她的时候总是陪她待在床上，她喜欢陪伴。

她有一张延伸整个卧室的定制的大床，她说这样当她所有孙子孙女来的时候都可以陪着她。睡觉前，我总是玩会儿电脑或者看看电视，无论什么时候我余光瞟到她，她总是在读书。她的阅读范围涵盖医学，文学，政治和历史。有时候，她还会在床上背英语单词，翻看她那过时的字典或者用电子词典试图学一口“美式“的口音。还有时候，她会写东西，写她自己的书或者写一些报纸文章，有时候是在给她的病人们回信。

当她有会议或者大学演讲的时候，她会熬夜到到很晚，为了一字不差的背下她的演讲，她会反反复复的朗读她的稿件，还会像一个小女孩一样紧张地一夜睡不着。现在我回想起来，我才知道那位80多岁的老人还没有停止学习，保持每天睡前学习的习惯是多么的不容易。她教会了我学无止尽，当你投入你的身心，学习是一个没有尽头的持续的过程。

我的姥姥是一位成功的事业型女性。从全国顶尖的医学院毕业，她舍弃了大型国有医院稳定舒适的工作环境，而选择了真正在马路上实践。

她有一辆自行车，一个标记牌，还有一颗强大的心。她骑车数小时穿过山路去寻访病人，忍受来自陌生人，朋友和亲人的侮辱和误解。尽管有如此多的挑战，她还是坚持着追求自己的梦想。慢慢地，她把她看病的小屋变成了一家诊所，最后变成一家医院，一直到如今，医院和制药厂遍布全国。但是，你知道吗？她一直住在一个适中的三居公寓里。她住的地方离医院只有五分钟路程，这样她可以无论何时都能方便地去医院。她几乎只吃蔬菜。她不会去奢侈的旅行，也不会买奢华的包，她不用任何物质去宠溺她的孩子或者子孙，但是总是教导我们要做慈善和懂得感恩。

她自认为最杰出的成就其实不是她的医院，而是她在河北省的偏远山区捐赠建立了一所爱心小学。她还在同一个村子里捐赠建了一座庙，挖凿了两口井，给周边几千公里带来最早的纯净的水源。在我小时候，我有陪她去慰问过红军，每次去会带着数百袋粮食和过冬用的被褥和棉衣。

当我慢慢成人，我建立了自己的慈善机构，我和我的合伙人从加拿大和澳大利亚筹集善款，从我们的朋友那里搜集衣物和文具并船运到中国的农村。一直到现在，我还会陪同她去那个她建了学校的村子的教堂，和那里的孩子们一起唱歌玩耍，给那些需要走超过十公里路去上学的孩子们带去补给和零食。她教会了我生命中最重要的课程之一，那就是学会感激，学会赠与。

在我十几岁的时候，姥姥被诊断出肠癌。我母亲非常担忧，经常从加拿大和中国往返两边跑，一边不能舍弃我和弟弟，一边必须去照顾自己的妈妈。通过和我母亲的对话，我知道我姥姥当时非常努力的往前走，70多岁的她，三次外科手术都没有将她打倒，她坚强地抗争着，并取得了最后的胜利。

那时候我看到她呕吐，大小便失禁，看到了她作为一位知名的教授，一位成功的事业女性和一位家族里被尊敬的成员脸上露出的挫败感。在那些时刻，这些头衔都无关紧要，我看到了她脆弱的一面，我感受到了她尊严的破碎。

但是，无论她多么痛，无论家里发生多坏的事情，只要她走出门，她都会涂上亮粉色的口红，穿上她彩色的外套，穿上小高跟鞋，昂首挺胸，面带微笑，用积极的态度面对生活。在那些时候，她一米五的娇小的身材在我看来像是巨人一般。她教会我坚强，教会我如何迎面直向人生面对生活。

实话实说，我的姥姥也许不是最体贴的妻子，也不是最关怀的的母亲，当然也不是典型的祖母的形象。她从来没有给我织过毛衣，也不会在我手被纸划伤的时候握着我吹吹的手。她从来没有给我煮饺子或者给我洗过热水澡。

但是她是我心目中的英雄，我之所以能成为今天的我，她的作用举足轻重。她给予我的不仅仅是物质财富，还有我持续从她身上学习到的精神品质，这远比我所要求的要多。她的敬业精神是我们所有人应该学习的榜样。我的母亲有一次说，“我的妈妈（指我的姥姥）平时性格容易急躁，但是面对病人，不管有多么不开心，也从没有对着病人发过火。”

所以当我读到Sheryl Sandberg的书《向前一步：女性，工作和向前的意愿》，我很自然地想到了我的姥姥。我立刻到网上订了一本中文版，并寄到了她的办公室。她是我实际想要变成的榜样，她教会我如何向前。直到现在，我伟大的80多岁的姥姥还是会在6点钟起床，一直工作到下午6点钟。

原文

My Grandma taught me how to LEAN IN

My grandma is unlike other grandmas. She didn’t chase after me trying to feed me candy nor was she in the kitchen cooking up my favorite dish; as a matter of fact I don’t think I have ever seen her even in a kitchen. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t love me with her way, let me tell you a story about an ordinary little girl and her extraordinary grandma.

My grandma graduated in 1958 from Tongji Medical College and was one of China’s famous neurology specialist. She has been honored the thirteenth National Party representative and the national labor award winner. She also got the State Council allowance. In 1982 she left a comfortable position at a large state-owned hospital to pursue her own dream. Because she invented a specific medicine to treat the cerebral vascular disease. Despite of the ample demands of patients, the beds provided by the hospital are very limited. She is one of the first entrepreneurs of China post the reform and opening-up policy. She has established two Cardiovascular Disease Hospital as well as other pharmaceutical and medical related organizations.

I grew up with my parents in Canada, while spending most of my childhood summers at my grandma’s house. For as long as I can remember, my grandma worked six days a week no matter rain, shine, snow or holidays. My grandma is a first and foremost a doctor, someone who dedicated her life to helping others and saving lives. She is also an entrepreneur who went against all odds as a woman born in the 1930s in a closed up society of the PRC. My grandma has and always will identify with these titles first before being a mother or a grandmother. This doesn’t mean she didn’t love me, she did and does but it was shown in her own way. I didn’t see her that much, not as much as I hope I did but when I did, those moments stuck with me.

When I had dinner at her house, she would have the housemaid cook whatever I wanted and buy any snacks I wanted but as much as she spoiled me, she made sure I ate every single grain of rice off my plate (bowl) and every chicken wing was cleaned to the bones. She always said “粒粒皆辛苦” (Every grain is from hard work). She taught me the importance of not being wasteful. She would tell me that far far away a farmer worked tremendously hard to harvest these grains in exchange for money to support his family and I was to show my respect.

When I was young, I requested to take tennis classes, she would have her driver drop me off a couple hundred meters away from the public tennis court so other kids enrolled in my course would not see my private ride. As I child I didn’t understand. But now I know she didn’t want me to ever feel superior, she taught me to be humble.

As I moved back to Canada with my parents in my teens, my grandma would often come visit and come baring gifts and red pocket money, it was the most exciting time for my brother and me then. But my mother would take them away because she thought my grandma spoiled us. My parents were living a simple middle-class life where they depended greatly on the day their monthly salary reached their bank accounts. So my grandmother asked to buy me a grand present for my 12th birthday, and that was my piano, which to this day sits in my parent’s living room. She told me when she was growing up she didn’t have a piano and then she was in her late 60s, she started teaching herself how to read music and play. She taught me it takes dedication and hard work to gain a new skill, the glamour and rewards are achieved with persistence and sweat.

When I visited her, I would always stay in her bed with her, she loves company so she has a custom-made bed that stretches across her bedroom and she says that is so all her grandchildren can fit in there when they visit. Before going to bed I would be playing on the computer or watching TV shows on my laptop and whenever I looked over at her, she would be reading. She reads from medicine to literature to politics to history. Sometimes she would even be memorizing English vocabulary and fliping through her outdated dictionary or using her electronic dictionary trying to learn a “Yankie” accent. There were days she would be writing, for her book or a newspaper article, sometimes she was responding to patient’s letters. When she was about to give speeches at conferences or universities, she would stay up late memorizing her speech and get too nervous to sleep like a little schoolgirl. Now I think back, I saw someone who never stopped learning, at age 80; she continues this habit every night before going to bed. What she taught me was to never stop learning; learning is a continuing process that never ends if you put your heart and soul in to it.

My grandmother is a successful businesswoman. A graduate from one of the top medical schools in China (同济大学), she left the comfort of a large state-owned hospital and started practicing, literally, on the streets. She had a bike, a sign, and a strong determination. She biked for hours through mountain roads to visit patients, she put up with insults and misunderstandings from strangers, friends and family. Yet with so many challenges, she insisted and she followed her dream. Slowly, she had her own “hut” that eventually turned in to a clinic, that evolved in to a hospital, to today, that is now hospitals and pharmaceutical factories through out China. But, you know what? She lives in a modest three-bedroom apartment. She lives 5 minutes away from her hospital so she can go to work easily whenever needed. She eats vegetables mainly. She doesn’t go on extravagant trips, nor does she buy ridiculous bags, she doesn’t spoil her children nor her grandchildren with anything material but taught us most importantly to give back. Her proudest achievements aren’t just her hospitals but a donated elementary school built in the rural mountainous area in HeBei. She have also donated to build a temple in the same village and drilled two wells, which were the first two sources of clean water within thousand- kilometers’ vicinity. Growing up, I visited the red guards， I visited villages with hundreds of bags of food and winter bedding and thick jackets. As I slowly became my own person, I started my own charity organization where my co-founder and myself raised money in Canada and Australia and collected clothing from our friends and shipped to rural areas of China. Every now and then, I still accompany her to visit the Church in the same village of the kids to sing and play with the children there and bring stationary and snacks to these children, some travel more than 10km a day just to get to I believe, she taught me one of the greatest lessons of life, how to be grateful and how to give back.

In my mid-teens, my grandmother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. My mother was distraught and for that reason my mother flew back and forth between Canada and China on a regular basis. Through phone calls and my mother’s words I knew my grandma was trying very hard to hold up. My grandma, then in her 70s went through three big surgeries, and not once did she breakdown, not once did she surrender. She fought, and she won.

I remember there were days when I saw her puking and losing control of her bowel moments. I saw the frustration on her face, a well-known professor, a successful businesswoman and a respected member of her community. But at those moments, none of the titles mattered, there, I saw the first hint of weakness from her, and I felt theshatter of herdignity. Yet, no matter how much pain she was in, no matter how bad things got at home, once she walked out of that door she would put on her bright pink lipstick, wear her colorful power suit and put on her kitten heels and with her head held high, smile on her face and face the world with all the positivity in the world. In those moments, her petite 155cm little frame would look like a giant to me. She taught me strength, and she taught me how to lean in.

Truth be said, my grandmother may have not been the most caring wife, nor the most supportive mother and certainly not what the stereotypical image of a grandma is. She never knitted me a sweater, nor did she hold my hand when I had a paper cut. She never made me dumplings nor given me a warm bath. But she is my hero and she hashad the most significant influence on me, for who I am today. She gave me more than I could have ever asked for, it was never the materialistic things she provided me but the qualities I have learnt and continue to learn from dedicationis what everyone can learn from her. My mother said once, “ my mother (Grandma of the author) is usually impatient and bad tempo, but although she felt unhappy, she would never get angry with her patients.”

So when I read Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. I automatically thought of my grandmother. I immediately went online and ordered a Chinese copy to be shipped to her office. She is what I aspire to be and realistically, she taught me how to Lean In.Today my extraordinary grandma still wakes up at six am and works until six pm.

Grace，Lean In Think Tank志愿者，目前就读于清华大学，毕业于加拿大阿尔伯塔大学商学院。曾在金融和媒体行业的多个单位工作，也是Clothes For A Cause慈善组织的创始人。成长于美丽的温哥华，性格开朗，崇尚自由，直率，勤奋，女权主义者。业余时间喜欢旅游，时尚，写作，音乐，户外运动，瑜伽，财经新闻。希望能靠自己的努力有一天实现自己的梦想成为一名有影响力的财经主播。